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Understanding The Aim of Relationship Counselling- By Jamie Edwards – Training Manager- https://pmac.uk/

When you hear the term’ relationship counselling’, your first thought may be that of a relationship on the rocks, but that isn’t always the case. Relationship counselling is not just a tool for saving a relationship; it’s a vital instrument in boosting the love a couple feels for one another, improving communication and rediscovering the magic that brought them together in the first place.

Relationships can be challenging. They’re much like rollercoasters, with peaks, troughs, and unexpected twists and turns. That’s where relationship counselling comes in. It’s not only about fixing what’s broken; it’s just dusting off some areas that may have been forgotten or left behind.

So, when we talk about the benefits of relationship counselling, it will be different for every relationship.

Understanding Your Partner

Fear of conflict and hurt often hold people back from expressing their feelings. So, relationship counselling allows couples to speak their truth calmly and healthily.

In relationships, things can quickly get heated up because of not-so-great communication, misunderstandings and misconceptions over each other’s behaviours and motives. A skilled counsellor can help untangle these situations, encouraging clear and understanding conversations. They can also assist partners in figuring out and expressing their needs better, leading to a deeper, more genuine connection.

Additionally, relationship counselling can uncover hidden patterns, shedding light on how partners’ actions might unconsciously impact each other. This heightened self-awareness can pave the way for personal growth and enhance empathetic understanding. For example, one partner might realise that their tendency to pull away during disagreements could be sparking feelings of abandonment in the other.

This awareness allows partners to see things from each other’s perspective. It’s not about pointing fingers; it’s more about getting where each other is coming from and what you’re feeling. This kind of understanding goes a long way in building mutual respect and nurturing stronger emotional bonds.

It’s important to remember that when it comes to relationship counselling, it’s not only about tackling the tough stuff. Counselling can also show partners how to value each other’s strengths, creating a sense of gratitude and adding depth to the relationship. By highlighting the positives, couples can build a supportive, loving relationship that stands firm in the face of challenges.

The improved understanding gained from relationship counselling can be a cornerstone for a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling relationship. It cultivates empathy, promotes effective communication, and nurtures a more profound connection – all essential ingredients for a lasting partnership. The process may be challenging, but the rewards can be truly transformative.

Certain conditions such as neurodivergence, can sometimes make it more difficult to utilise effective communication in a relationship. It is important that both sides of the relationship understand each other’s differences and make accommodations where necessary.

Meeting Your Partner’s Needs                                              Gay couple looking into each others eyes

When building a solid and understanding relationship, tuning in to and meeting each other’s needs is crucial. Relationship counselling frequently shines a spotlight on this aspect. It’s entirely usual for people in a relationship to have different needs. These range from emotional needs like wanting love, respect, and validation to practical ones like dividing household tasks or deciding finances.

You may have heard of the term’ love language’. In short, your love language is how you perceive, express and receive love. It’s normal for each partner to have a different language. While one expresses their love through words of affirmation, such as compliments and words of encouragement, the other partner may respond better to acts of service, such as helping with chores around the house or doing something physical to make life easier for their partner. Understanding these differences in love language helps partners understand what they must do to meet their loved one’s needs.

Here’s where relationship counselling steps in. A skilled counsellor is a neutral observer, guiding both parties to express their needs openly and with empathy. They assist couples in moving away from the ‘blame game’ and towards a more understanding and supportive conversation. Instead of dwelling on what’s wrong, counselling helps pinpoint what each person requires to feel valued and secure. This fresh perspective often becomes a turning point.

In counselling, partners can genuinely discover how to meet each other’s needs, and that journey has a real emotional depth. It might involve developing new communication skills, nurturing empathy, or practising patience. What’s crucial is not just fulfilling those needs but also recognising when they shift because, let’s face it, relationships are like a rollercoaster, and so are the needs that come with them.

This is where relationship counselling becomes a lifeline. It’s a safe haven to explore, grasp, and fulfil those needs, paving the way for a more harmonious and deeply satisfying relationship.

Always remember, it’s not about changing your partner but genuinely understanding them and meeting halfway.

Arguing More Effectively

An often underestimated but incredibly beneficial aspect of relationship counselling is discovering how to have more effective arguments. It might initially sound a bit off – aren’t we supposed to avoid arguments? But the reality is that conflicts are part of life, and it’s not the presence of disagreements that can harm relationships; it’s how we deal with them.

In relationship counselling, couples develop serious communication skills to constructively and respectfully navigate disagreements. It’s not about throwing personal attacks or blaming each other; it’s about laying out your thoughts and feelings in a clear, non-confrontational manner. Think “I” statements expressing your own feelings rather than the finger-pointing “you” statements that can feel like accusations.

The goal here isn’t to ‘win’ the argument but to foster understanding. It’s about acknowledging each other’s perspectives and finding that middle ground instead of stubbornly insisting on being right. This shift can really ease tension and prevent arguments from going off the rails.

Understanding each other’s triggers and learning to handle anger and frustration effectively can help couples dial down the frequency and intensity of their arguments. That leads to more mutual respect and understanding, which are the building blocks of a healthy and satisfying relationship.

Your relationship deserves some love and care. Relationship counselling is like a toolbox complete with tools to help you build a stronger, happier, and healthier partnership.


If you would like to seek help and book an appointment, call us on 01483 602998 or email appoinmenmts@relatewestsurrey.org.uk. You could also fill in the form on our website: https://relatewestsurrey.org.uk/services/




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