Compulsive sexual behaviour (CSB), also called sex addiction, is an ongoing, out of control pattern of sexual behaviours that causes problems in a person’s life; their relationships, work, finances, health and may even have legal implications. Any sexual behaviour can become compulsive, for example, use of porn, masturbation, multiple affairs, using sex workers, chat rooms. In fact, the type of behaviour itself is not the problem, it is that it feels out of control and cannot be stopped despite the harm it causes.

Relationship counsellors who have received additional, specialised training in the complex issues of CSB work with you to help you take back control of your life, change your behaviours and maintain your recovery. If you are a couple, the counsellor can help you rebuild a relationship that has been damaged by the effects of CSB. They can also work with you as an individual if your partner has CSB, to help you understand what is happening and to enable you to move on from the pain you are undoubtedly feeling.

The counsellor will help you to understand and accept your own compulsions by exploring underlying factors and triggers. Unlike with other addictions such as alcohol and drugs, abstinence is rarely a satisfactory solution because being sexual is an important part of being human. The counsellor will therefore encourage you to think about what a healthy sex life would be like for you. They then give you the techniques, resources and support you need to make the changes necessary to reach the outcome you want.

If you attend as a couple, counselling can help with the disclosure between the two of you, give you techniques to rebuild trust and intimacy including, if required, psychosexual therapy to overcome any sexual difficulties.

When you contact Relate West Surrey with concerns about CSB we will make you an appointment, either in-person or online, for an assessment interview with one of the specialist counsellors. Using questions designed to give a clear understanding of your experience, the counsellor will be able to establish if our CSB service is appropriate for you. If we think it will be helpful, you will be offered a therapy programme that has certain core elements but that is tailored it to meet your specific needs. You will have weekly appointments with the counsellor where you will learn more about your problem with CSB and you’ll be given the resources to help you overcome it. You will also be given “homework tasks” that you will be required to do between the counselling sessions as they are vital to the effectiveness of the programme.